The Big Kahuna Burger

For Quentin Tarantino Week, I decided to review the tastiest of burgers, “the cornerstone of a nutritious breakfast,” the Big Kahuna Burger. The only problem is, Tarantino made them up.
Pulp Fiction isn’t the only place BK burgers show up. They’ve been seen in almost all of Tarantino’s flicks, including a few outside sources. But when I actually went looking for exactly what the Big Kahuna consisted of, I came up a little short. The burger’s official website (didn’t you know, everything has one nowadays) didn’t help much, and you can find it on any number of menus using a Google search, turning out everything from a make your own burger (two toppings), to what I thought was the closest, a burger with pineapple and bacon. But there’s no way Jules would eat bacon, pigs are filthy animals (maybe he didn’t know there was bacon in it, but once he took such a big bite, he’d have known, and he might have killed Brett right then and there).

So I took it upon myself, with the help of food guru and friend Spitz, to standardize the recipe for the Big Kahuna burger. We worked for hours (twenty minutes) trying to figure out just how it would taste, and what the Big Kahuna meant to us. It was hard work, and in the end we had to eat at least two burgers each, but we eventually came up with a tasty freaking burger, and I present it for you here, so that you too can enjoy:

BIG KAHUNA BURGERS

(yields 6 burgers)

2 lbs lean ground chuck or round
4 tbsp Teryaki marinade
6 pineapple slices
6 slices provolone or colby cheese
1 pkg Hawaiian Sweet Buns
Big Kahuna Secret Sauce (see recipe below)

Roll ground into 6 balls (approx. 1/3 lb. each). Flatten into patties, and add seasoning/salt and pepper to taste. Pour Teriyaki in large mixing bowl, coat and marinade meat, let sit for 20 mins., then grill over med/high heat to perfection. Add Sauce, pineapple slice (you can also grill those), and cheese (lettuce, tomato, and onions to taste). Now that’s a tasty burger!

BIG KAHUNA SECRET SAUCE

Equal parts ketchup and brown sugar
1 tbsp max mustard (dijon or yellow)

Simmer until sugar is melted and ingredients are fully mixed.

I love these things. There are a few variations– the burger’s page shows a double burger, so maybe there’s a single and double Big Kahuna. Fries are optional– Brett has them, but Jules goes without, but if you do have them make sure you go Holland style– add mayonnaise. I’m serious, they fuckin drown em in that shit. The only other requirement is Sprite through a straw, a tasty beverage to wash it all down.

Give up the Royale with Cheese, forget about Le Big Mac, the Big Kahuna burger is where it’s at. If you like hamburgers, give em a try sometime. Me, I can’t usually eat ‘em ‘cause my girlfriend’s a vegetarian. Which more or less makes me a vegetarian, but I sure love the taste of a good burger.

The Big Kahuna Burger: 8.5 out of 10 sewer rats that taste like pumpkin pie

(this review is part of Quentin Tarantino Week)

Posted by retardedjimmy (Oct 8, 2003, 11:51 pm)
http://www.retardedjimmy.com/index.php?p=100